Gaia Community: rudyan's Blog

What role does spirituality play in your life?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:32:19 GMT

It is my life. It underlies my life, under-lives it, connects all the threads, guides my day-to-day, moment-to-moment; there is not one aspect of my life that is uninvolved with, or unaffected by, spirit.

It brings me dreams and waking insights; floats me seagulls' feathers, or perfect-pointed red maple leaves; arranges an evening meeting between me and a young (deer) buck on a city sidewalk...

Tags: Q&R, spirituality, spirit, dreams, insights, signs, totems

What would you most like to teach?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:14:29 GMT

I would most like to teach others to love, to honour, and to forgive themselves. I would like to teach it because that has been key to turning my own life around.

How will I teach this? By walking the talk. Can there be a better or surer way?

Tags: QAR, teaching, learning, gifts, wisdom, love, honor, forgive, walk the talk

How do you define power?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:14:48 GMT

I am at my most powerful when I am fully present.
I am fully present when I accept full responsibility for who and where I am in this and every given moment.
Whenever I accept full responsibility for my life just as it is, there is no victim me...

This is one thing I have learned: that every time I blame someone else for where I am; every time I find myself saying I can't help it or It's not my fault; every time, I feel the power seeping out of me. And every time I remember myself, power comes back to me. It's as if when I'm being a victim, the creator me takes a back seat until the matter can settle itself. And when I remove the veil of victimhood from my eyes, the creator is right there, ready to take over again.

Power is being my authentic Self, daring to be who I am.

Power is owning that I am the creator of me, even when I'd rather blame the way I turned out on someone or something else.

Power is letting go of control and manipulation as a way of managing my life---manhandling has a habit of getting in the way of things.

Power is stopping to listen and feel into a situation before taking action. And when I'm ready, power is setting something in motion, and then stepping back to let it happen.

And power is looking at the thing I created and seeing that it is good---it is what it is; and power is also realizing that if anything about my creation doesn't feel right now or at any other time, I can go in and change it. I am the artist.

Tags: Q&R, power, creator, creatorship, creation, victim, presence, responsibility, authenticity

What do you do when you're bored?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:00:32 GMT

Take a hike!

img

Get away from whatever it is I'm doing
(or not doing, as the case may be).

Come to think of it, I don't need the excuse of boredom to go on a hike.

And what is boredom anyway? I have never noticed it hanging around in here-now.

The reason I suggest hiking as an antidote to boredom is it takes me into nature,
and nature has a way of recalling me to the present moment.

Tags: Q&R, boredom, interests, hiking

How often do you shift gears in life?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:14:47 GMT

Rule of thumb: shift when the terrain demands it...

Photo courtesy webmountainbike.com

...or when you feel you need a change, a kickstart, a challenge.

At the moment, I'm gearing up for NaNoWriMo, which starts November 1st, 12:00 a.m. Whoohoo! Now there's a ride!

Tags: Q&R, transformation, change, life, changing gears, climb, journey, ride, NaNoWriMo

Do you act your age?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 02:50:56 GMT

No. But then again, yes. Well, maybe... Oh, I don't know---what age are you supposed to act when you're ageless? :)

Of Some Renown

For some time now, I have
lived anonymously. No one
appears to think it odd.
They think the old are,
well, what they seem. Yet
see that great egret

at the marsh's edge, solitary,
still? Mere pretense
that stillness. His silence is
a lie. In his own pond he is
of some renown, a stalker,
a catcher of fish. Watch him.

---Jean L. Connor (Passager, 2001)

Tags: Q&R, age, aging, ageless, youth, maturity, egret, Jean Connor

Where would you choose to spend your life?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:57:55 GMT

Where I am. Wherever life takes me.

I tried to move to the west coast (Vancouver) when I was 20 or so. Didn't work out for various reasons (my girlfriend was homesick and I didn't want to stay 'alone'; neither of us had a job yet; family opposition). Planned to move to the Okanagan (interior BC) a couple of years later when my sister got a teaching job there, but by the time she was ready to leave I had met someone special… The thing is, if I had moved either of those times I would have missed meeting the man. (Gasp!) Of course, I would have also missed him dying several years later…

Years later I 'followed the money' to booming Alberta (Calgary, then Edmonton). In Edmonton, I decided to go back to school. After my masters, I took the lure of a doctoral fellowship to Victoria. I'm done with my studies now but here I still am—not in Vancouver where I thought I wanted to live all those years ago, but on the Island. Even better. Feels like home.

Here's the thing, though: everywhere I have ever lived (except perhaps the town I grew up in) felt like home while I lived there. This did not mean that life went smoothly for me—far from it. I may have been at home in terms of the physical places I lived, but I wasn't at peace, not in the inner-self way. Here in Victoria, at last, I have grown to feel at home with myself. And I have come to see that everything that happened in my life, I chose, and chose, and chose—even when I didn't think I was choosing.

Is this my home for the rest of my life? God knows—or not. Personally, I don't think it's that important where my physical home is; what's important is that my heart and I are in the same place, that I'm not longing to be somewhere I'm not, that I'm not afraid to follow where my heart wants to take me. "Whither thou goest I will go," said Ruth in the Bible to her mother-in-law Naomi. I'm not Ruth for nothing. Only I'm not saying those words to someone outside of myself; I'm saying them to my heart.

Tina Dico - Room With A View

Tags: Q&R, life, place, home, heart, Tina Dico, Room With a View

When you feel tense or stressed, what do you do to relax?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:07:59 GMT

Breathe.

Walk. In nature. Along the beach. In gardens. Among trees and flowering shrubs. To the shops or library. To the clinic. To nowhere. To engage (or not) with fellow beings on the path.

Read. Physics. Mysteries. Mystics. Poetry. Classics. Stories. Children's lit. Whatever the moment draws me into.

Write. In my journal. On my blogs. At DD. Wherever. Whatever occurs. Slowly, diving deeply into the feeling of whatever I'm writing about. Fast as I can, to block out the internal editor that tells me: Don't go there. Truly good. Truly bad. Without judgment (hopefully).

Clean. Wash the dishes. Scrub the kitchen floor. Sanitize the bathroom. Take a shower or long bath.

Make phone calls. To my best friend. To my mother. To my sister. To another sister. To you (?).

Exercise. Cycle. Jog. Do yoga. Use free weights. Walk (which has its own paragraph above, but sometimes I walk purely for exercise). Dance (which will have its own paragraph below, because it gives me such joy).

Put on music, whatever appeals in the moment (so much to choose from).

Dance to whatever music is playing. Dance to whatever music I'm hearing in my head even when I haven't put any on.

Do any or all of the above. The main thing is, to de-stress I need to get out of the routine, out of the ordinary, take myself out of the situation. Change something. Move the body.

Loreena McKennitt - La Serenissima

Tags: Q&R, tension, relaxation, stress, breathing, writing, exercise, music, Loreena McKennit

What's the most soothing or calming music you know?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:24:21 GMT

My first pick in a pinch tends to be Indian classical, e.g., a raga played on bansuri (bamboo flute) with tabla accomaniment and perhaps another primary instrument as well (santoor, or jaltarang). But lately I've been discovering how much else there is out there, in the way of beautiful and soul-soothing music. So let me just post a few clips I've found calming recently.

Anoushka Shankar & Norah Jones - Easy

Loreena McKennitt - Ancient Pines

Tina Dico - 'Magic (Live at Copenhagen Jazz House)'

Tags: Q&R, music, soothing, calming, peace, Anoushka Shankar, Norah Jones, Loreena McKennit, Tina Dico, Indian classical

What makes something sacred?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 02:35:35 GMT

Me. My eyes. How I choose to interpret what's in front of me.

A week or so ago I had a dream about leaks in the ceiling of my apartment---pails everywhere, towels sopping up the overflow. In my dream I woke up in the middle of the night to find the pail I'd placed under the burnt-out ceiling light in my bedroom was almost full of a viscous, oil-like black substance. I took the pail into the bathroom and placed it with other pails and towels already there, then watched in horror when a little lamb came up to drink from it. I waited, sure the lamb must die. But it kept drinking, and after a while I went closer to look into the pail. It was water in there, pure, clear.

In the dream and after I woke up, I was left to wonder: At what point did that vile- looking substance in the pail become water, or was it always that? Did the evil, the ugliness, live only in my perception, in my bedroom (asleep, unaware) eyes?

I know only this, that where I saw waste, poison, the lamb saw sustenance, holy water.

The Mask and the Mirror

Tags: Q&R, sacred, reverence, holy, eyes, seeing, awareness, dream, Loreena McKennitt

What one thing would you like to be best in the world at?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:52:13 GMT

There is something that I already am best at, and that is being me. So what's left to aim for? Being the best integrated, most authentic me that I can possibly be. Living up to the potential that uniquely defines me.

Carole King - Wishful Thinking (with Lyrics)

Tags: Q&R, best, expertise, expert, skill, Carole King

sounding silences

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:55:42 GMT

silence again
not quite
listen

white sound
deep sigh
breath

o-o-h-m
re-sounds
tonal silence

rhythms of
universal
heart

the first silence
a chaotic cauldron
of big bang creativity

10 billion light years later
reverberations echo
in here-now

sounding silences

silencing sounds

Om Vibration

Tags: silence, sound, ohm, meditation, creation, creativity

Who in the world do you feel most similar to?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 21:09:24 GMT

I 'xpect that would be me...

Or is that you? :)

Rumi: Say I Am You (Sufi poem)

Tags: Q&R, similarity, self, personality, Rumi, I Am You

Who do you miss most right now?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 21:42:52 GMT

Funny you should ask. Last night late a message was left on my voice mail. A male voice, husky, plaintive, sandwiched between slices of silence: I miss you Ruth. I knew who it was, of course. Between long and short silences he comes back to haunt me, dropping off a CD, a voice message...

Do I miss him? I miss the music we shared---our tastes were so similar---jazz, Indian classical, fusion. I miss the dancing, though he was not my favourite dance partner. I miss the fun, the spontaneity. After a while it grew heavy, controlled, I felt stifled, a victim to his moods, and eventually I left. The problem is, I keep having to close the door. Maybe if I slammed it for once, he would get the message. Probably not. What message is there to get? He wants things to be the way they were, and I can't go there and be true to myself. I have told him and told him. I guess you could say I miss what we had during a small window of our seven-year relationship.

ROD STEWART - Reason to Believe

Tags: Q&R, missing, friends, family, love, relationships, Rod Stewart, Reason to Believe

Is your body like your home, or vice versa?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:55:49 GMT

I am - my home - is me. Ignoring the artifacts of written language---dashes, spaces---where's the separation? I seldom feel it anymore. Here, now, on this earth, I carry my physical home with me wherever I go, just like the tortoise carries hers. Does she distinguish between what one might call the body per se, and the dwelling within which she lives? I'm having difficulty saying what I mean here---there's a level on which I can make verbal distinctions between the body, which I can't help but carry, and what I might call the roof over my head, which I carry around with me in a less obvious way. But strictly from a feeling level, I can't explain the difference. And the feeling level is where I live.

Interestingly, given the Q&R topic today, the Osho Zen Tarot card that turned up for me this morning was Slowing Down (Knight of Rainbows), with the partial commentary: The Knight of Rainbows is a reminder that, just like this tortoise, we carry our home with us wherever we go...

Slowing Down

Meditation is a kind of medicine - its use is only for the time being. Once you have learned the quality, then you need not do any particular meditation; then the meditation has to spread all over your life. Walking is Zen, sitting is Zen.

Then what will be the quality? Watchfully, alert, joyously, unmotivated, centered, loving, flowing, one walks. And the walking is sauntering. Loving, alert, watchful, one sits, unmotivated - not sitting for anything in particular, just enjoying how beautiful just sitting doing nothing is, how relaxing, how restful..... After a long walk, you sit under a tree and the breeze comes and cools you. Each moment one has to be at ease with oneself - not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practicing anything.

Walking is Zen, sitting is Zen. Talking or silent, moving, unmoving, the essence is at ease. The essence is at ease: that is the key word. The essence is at ease: that is the key statement. Do whatsoever you are doing, but at the deepest core remain at ease, cool, calm, centered.

Osho The Sun Rises in the Evening Chapter 7

Zen Garden

Tags: QaR, home, body, house, self, tortoise, Osho, meditation, slowing down, zen

What do you prefer to "small talk"?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 17:45:55 GMT

Heart to heart, nonverbal communication.

Small talk has its uses, but too often it masks the thing that really wants to be said. And sometimes people will say anything at all just to cover the silences in conversation. I love the silences---they have so much to say, if we just listen.

Tags: Q&R, small talk, conversation, connection, heart, silence, listen, listening

When do you find it easiest to connect with source?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:31:15 GMT

24/7.

Oh, you want me to state a particular 15-minute period in the day during which I prefer to meditate???

Well, okay, how about: the first 15 minutes, then the next 15 minutes, and so on until we get to the end of the day---which coincidentally starts off the next, and the cycle begins again. Well, the cycle doesn't end, does it?

If I have to pick one 15 minute period, you might as well just write me off. Same goes if you try to make me stretch or constrain it to 15 minutes.

Meditation for me isn't sitting, it's breathing, being. Being doesn't spoil, it's not meat or vegetable that it comes with a best before date. Nor is it vitamin or medication, that it has to be taken at a particular time of day. it's not a pension or insurance policy or...

Tags: Q&R, meditation, prayer, contemplation, peace, connection

How do you say no?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:02:44 GMT

Well, whichever way presents itself at the time of asking. Hopefully what comes out is an authentic response (i.e., from my authentic self). Sometimes, though, I catch myself saying no and when I think more about it (the request) I realize 'maybe', or maybe even 'yes', might have been a better answer. I'm not above reversing my original response---it may indeed have come from my heart, but then again, it may have been past-conditioned.

I was in the middle of making dinner the other day---in fact, I had just turned off the gas---when a knock came at the door. I took the pan holding my for once perfect omelette off the burner and went to open the door. My ex straightened up---he had been in the process of placing a CD on the mat. Oh, he said, I didn't think you'd be home. I opened the door wider, inviting him in for a moment, but explained that I was about to sit down to my dinner. Eggs don't wait long, I told him.

He found one reason and another to dawdle and eventually I had to ask him to leave. And again. (Even though he kept telling me he was on his way to somewhere else.) I looked at my perfect dinner---my omelette, scalloped potatoes, and zen veggies---and decided firmness was in order. So I took him by the arm and gently shepherded him to the still-open door. He took the hint, although he called me rude in the process.

Rude maybe, but it turns out I can say no when I have to. Even to him. :)

Tags: QaR, boundaries, protection, self-care

Where do your answers come from?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:13:32 GMT

Where do answers come from? Same place as the questions, in'it? In fact, they seem to burble up pretty well hand in hand.

Perhaps a more important question would be: Why do I tend to want to question the validity of answers that bubble up from inside me? As if there has to be a better one waiting somewhere. As if I haven't worked hard enough for it. As if the best response must have hard labour or gut-wrenching pain associated with it. How could there be a better answer than the one that's intimately mated with the question?

E.g., this scenario in the bath this morning:

Q: How can I make an extra $100 a day over the next ten days?
R: By getting out of the way of it.
Q: How do I get out of the way?
R: Become invisible.
Q: How to become invisible?
R: ____

I understood that it didn't mean becoming invisible per se, but rather, (having asked the question) to concern myself with what needs to be done, what's on my plate right now. The money, the wherewithal or the way to get it, is there already, just let it come in---get out of the way of that.

Tags: Q&R, answers, questions, origin, intuition

What is the best way to show someone you love them?

http://gospelwriter.gaia.com — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:29:20 GMT

Dance them to the end of love...

dance me to the end of love-leonard cohen

Forget about how to show them you love them. When you love someone from the heart, with no holds barred, no strings attached, the love will show itself---can't help it---and it will reveal itself in the one way that is most meaningful to the loved one, a better and more meaningful way than we would have thought of.

We can't make someone see or know that we love them. We can say the words till the cows come home, we can stand on our heads to try and show them, but in the end, all we can really do is love them. Like a butterfly held by the wind. Do we love that person enough to just love them?

Tags: QaR, love, caring, loving, expression, dance, Leonard Cohen, butterfly