How do you feel...? (2nd anniversary blog)

 
How do you feel when you have known since before you knew the word that you were destined to be a writer, a word magician, someone who takes those funny-looking squiggles a schoolchild lines page after page with, and transforms them into something special? Something that can make peeps joy in the remembrance of shared adventures? Something that can make strangers weep at the unfairness of life, or belly-laugh at its unexpected twists? Something that hits some people so hard that they accuse you of writing nothing but lies?

How do you feel when, forced to choose between that which you love and those to whom you owe your life, you lock up your heart and promptly lose your way?

How do you feel when for decades you search for the path that will lead you back to your freedom, and you search everywhere and you open every door, except for the one that you have learned and still believe the devil lurks behind? And how do you feel when finally you inch that last door open and find, not the dark demons of the past but light, and smiling faces, and arms welcoming you into your new family?

How do you feel when after all the years of wandering in the wilderness, listening to everyone’s truth but your own, how do you feel when you allow yourself to feel again, when you dare to translate those feelings into words on the page, when you see that others are moved by what you have written? And in a way you don't even care who reads you or whether readers are moved, because you are finally and at last once again doing what you were always meant to do. And because you, yourself, are moved.

[silence]

I could go on, there were other words I wanted to say, about zaadz-gaia, about Diving Deeper, yes, about freedom. But my heart is full, and its truths can, in any case, be found in writings scattered here in my blog, in my profile, and wherever else on gaia I've joined in conversations.


[Written 2 years and a day after joining zaadz (now gaia) and Diving Deeper.]