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July 2009 
What do you think is the hardest thing to change?
Posted on Jan 21st, 2008
by 
rudyan
rudyan
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for January 21, 2008:
The view from duality that tells us that the world is comprised of an us/them. The idea that there is a world outside ourselves that needs changing. The mindset that we can effect any sort of change in the world by any means other than embodying the change we wish to see.
Access: PublicTagged with: QaR, hope, action, care, duality, us/them, change, be the change, one, non-resistance, non-judgment, judgment, mirror, reflection, dance, now, life, living
mmm..and yet, you''ve done it! And therefore, we've done it. And yes–now it's gone. Rather like jumping up and down a trampoline.
Yes. Thank you, Meenakshi, I love how you bring “you've done it” to “we've done it” and so on. Very, very cool comment.
Non-resistance is a wonderful tool, on the trampoline, as well as on transforming the duality mindset. Just briefly had a little visit from my ego-friend, let it take over the wheel for just a little ride. It was interesting. I observed the illusion of a self, and a they, who had to change! And of course I was right. As a result my teenage son took advantage and found a way to pull out an irresistable hook. It got the best of my husband and I, his parents. What a thrill t for my teenage son to see his parents at odds with eachother, and naturally his chance to hop on dad's side and team up against mom. Funny, in the moment as I am, I cannot remember the exchange of words at all. Only the quality of what happened, an explosion of angry words on both sides, followed by my rant about how dead wrong it is when one parent criticizes the other in the midst of a discipline dance with their child. The more I resisted, the more father and son teamed up against me, the Babe whos Ego was In Total Control of Her self and as a result was Out of Control. Husband sends son off to do a quick errand. Smart move on his part. So this Babe retreated (but not without telling my dear husband - who was cooking up a veritable feast fit for the gods - that he was on my sh*tlist!!!) and took a few deep, grounding breaths. This puts the Babe In Total Control of Herself. Hmmm, sh*tlist? That is rich! LOL. What does that look like? Shall we take a look at it? Oh, right, I don't even have one. It was just something I thought I needed to feed into the illusion that got in the way of mirroring our majestic selves. Thanks to being able to observe my dear ego friend I got to remember how invaluable a tool non-resistance really is.
Back into the kitchen I went, where my husband & son were chopping away. “Hey, what I said was out of line. I did not mean it.” “Oh, OK.” “Guys?” “What NOW?!” “Care to hear what I meant to say?” “No, not really!” Body language revealing a much stronger: “Absolutely not!” “I see. Fine then”. Relief all around. In a matter of fact tone I gently conclude: “You two were out of line too”. “True…”. And with that the primal trust was there that this dance theme can and will come up again only if and when needed, along with the opportunity to dance it differently (in a free-style, non-resistant flow - a give and take) with my ego friend in the back seat and the quiet, listening, observing self fully present.
Thanks Rudyan… these reminders never hurt as I meander on through this wonderful life.
With lots of this too…
“And with that the primal trust was there that this dance theme can and will come up again only if and when needed, along with the opportunity to dance it differently (in a free-style, non-resistant flow - a give and take) with my ego friend in the back seat and the quiet, listening, observing self fully present.”
So wonderful to remember the whole and dance it in the present. Reaffirming doing this more, and more, and more!
Blessings, David
The hardest thing I think is to change is the thing in the mirror!!!
Thank you all for commenting.
Nell, thanks for the honesty and openness with which you share your story, a real-life made-to-order, shining example of change. I so know that feeling of being trapped in my right-ness, and the relief of giving that up.
And David, yes, it is a wonderful life, and more so as we remember the whole and dance it in the present. Bless you for expanding on Nell's dance metaphor.
It is a dance, isn't it? A beautiful, ongoing, ego-shattering, life-altering dance, a dance of dances that brings us back to our god selves. I love this dance more and more as I experience it in the now of non-resistance, of no-judgment, of One. In any given moment in which my mind is resisting or judging, whatever triggered that reaction is already in the past. And how sweet it is to come back to the present, where everything is exactly as it should be, because it's the way it is (as Byron Katie would say). Without 'should,' would there be judgment?
And Don, I included you in the previous comment's 'thank you,' but I wanted to respond to you separately.
The mirror shows me duality, that's all. It's an excellent tool for that.
I can look in the mirror (whether physical or virtual) and see 'ugly' or I can see 'angel of light.' Obviously I have (imagined I've) seen both in the world around me, but I've also seen both in a physical mirror into which I'm gazing when I'm the only one around, so to speak. Of 'ugly' and 'angel of light,' which is the real me? Neither. Both. And an infinite variety of possibilities besides. But, we are One. This is what my mirror-gazing has taught me.
If I can look into the mirror and see physical reflections of myself that are so radically different, then I can't help but conclude that the way I see others, in the 'real' world and through the virtual mirror, is a reflection of what I see, and not of who they are. That brings it all back to me, brings 'they' back to me. And if 'they' are me, there is only – One.